I’m not braggin’ babe so don’t put me down

Ok, well maybe not the fastest car in town, but I DO love driving my car fast and listening to the Beach Boys sing about fast cars at the same time. Anyway, I digress. I’m taking Garrett’s suggestion and  am going to write a bit about my need for speed.

I haven’t really been a stick driver for a long time, for one major reason. My dad. There were lots of things my dad did really well, but teaching things and having patience were two things he was not so great at. So when he tried to teach me how to drive his beat up pick up truck well…things didn’t go well. I couldn’t get IN to first gear. At all. I kept stalling all over the place. The worst part about this experience was that my little brother who is 2 years younger and at the time, about a foot shorter than me, was sitting in the jump seat and laughing the whole time.

After about 20 minutes of this nightmare my dad turned around to my brother and said, “OK smartass – lets see you do it.” So we switch spots and my brother got into the car and I swear it was like his body was possessed by Mario Andretti and he just…took off. His biggest problem was seeing over the wheel. Damn.

So I stayed away from stick shifts for a long time. I mean, there were lots of times when it would have been practical for me to drive stick – Without giving away too much of “me,” I do work in the automotive industry and uh, it would be helpful to know how to drive all of the cars that I encounter daily. I’d had about 4 guys I work with try and teach me to no avail. I’d panic when having to drive a stick, even if it was just the distance of around the block. Finally, one of my co-workers had enough, took a HUGE car that had a stick and said to me, “you’re going to learn to drive today.”  So I went out and went to get in the passenger side and he was all, “nope. You’re driving.”  And he took me out into rush hour traffic at 5pm on a summer Friday. Yeah. I stalled. A lot. And I wasn’t the slickest. BUT I got it.

From then on it was a mission. I would drive a stick whenever I got the chance. I’d badger one of my (at the time) partners to let me drive her stick shift car. I’d make it so I had to drive as many standards as possible during the course of a day.  I was still not great at it, but at least I was moving. Any practice was good practice.

And then over the summer I just hit a point where I was single, I didn’t have kids, I didn’t have pets, and my only responsibilities were to myself. And as much as I really did love the car I was driving, there was too much “old life” attached to it. And so I went out and bought the most bad-ass stick shift car that was just slightly practical – but not too much so:)

265hp, 4cyl turbo 0-60 in 4.8. But that’s all just numbers and lets be honest, I’m never going to be good enough to drive it that fast. Still. I love my freaking car. It took 2 months to figure out how to drive it, and another 3 to really figure out how to make the power work, and now it’s second nature. I feel powerful and strong, and I love, love, love, driving fast. Love.

And like I said in the prior post, there’s something about being able to handle the stick that just makes me feel confident. Strong.

But you know? I think that even if I drove my dad’s beat up truck I’d still feel the same way. It’s about driving and feeling connected to the car and…and…well. I’m just sorry that it took me so long to figure out this lesson.

That too long explanation aside, there are some things you can have in your car to be prepared for most situations. Jump cables are a big help if you have the room. If you drive a later model car, the odds are slim that you’ll actually use them, but if you do have tons of space or an older car? Go for it. Personally, in addition to the umbrella, I generally have the following things in my car for emergencies.

-Bottled water. I keep two bottles under the “floor” in my hatch. Just in case.

-Granola bars: Again, just in case.

-A blanket and small first aid kit…you get the drill.

-Tampons in the glove box. Yup, you know it.

-A map. I don’t have GPS nor do I really have interest in getting one, but I DO have a map of the state I live in, and small but detailed maps of the nearby cities that I visit most.

-Extra shoes and clothes. I try to keep a knapsack with a pair of extra shoes, shirt and jeans. This has come in handy more than once.

-Baby wipes – help out with little clean ups, mostly on the sartorial dog after an over-zealous park outing, but these have come in handy for other situations as well. I’m guessing they’d come in pretty handy for food or coffee spills, but I don’t  know that as well, um. Yeah. That doesn’t really happen in my car:)

-Winter stuff. If you have a tendency to get stuck, some sand or litter or a small shovel to help yourself from getting really stranded.

-AAA membership or similar auto rescue. Seriously. I’ve never spent a day of my life getting paid to turn a wrench on a car and unless you have done this well then – let the professionals do it. For reals. I know I know how to change my tire, but I’m not going to do it on the interstate – as with everything else, safety first.

A final word about being a gentlemanly butch driver. Open the door for your date. Maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll reach over and open your door for you once she’s inside. But even if your date is doing the driving? Open the door for her. Let her get in the car first. Prove that chivalry is not dead.

What are your favorite driving stories? Do you have any additions to the list of stuff to keep in the car?

Sartorial Saturday

Just a few thoughts that I’ve got rattling around in my brain today:

-I LOVE pink. Really love pink shirts. I just got this gorgeous Hugo Boss blue/silver striped tie that looks SO good with a pink shirt.

-I also love sweater vests.  I’m planning sartorial video #2 and I need to come clean about the fact that most times I don’t care how the bottom half of the tie looks because I so very, very often wear a sweater or sweater vest with shirts and ties and it doesn’t matter.

-I am planning the gayest outfit co-ordination for me and sartorial dog. Yes, I’m that nuts.  But I think it will be awesome.

-I’m working on a few posts in my head – things to come: a well stocked butch bar, glassware for said bar, awesome drinks, and things you can make to impress company even if you can’t cook.

-I’m almost sad it took me 30 something years to buy a standard shift car but now that I have one it makes me feel more butch when I drive. Can’t explain it, it just does. The super fast turbocharger helps also. At least I know that just because I like sports cars doesn’t mean that I have a small….

-There is nothing like cooking for the people you love that shows them how much you care for them.  Tonight I am planning a huge fiesta with salsa and guac and steak fajitas. Mmmmm.  Also? Being a decent cook can help you…….you know.

-I am a sneaker whore. Really. Shoes in general actually. Some day I’ll post some of the collection. What’s good about this is that they never wear out. Well. Not true. I tend to wear favorites often and then wear the others occasionally.

-I’m kind of scatterd and all over the place today, but also wondering what kinds of things you might like me to write about!!!

Like a Boy Scout

Please excuse my lack of posts for the past few, I needed to get over my residual nervousness from posting the video post AND had to deal with this incredible headache that seems to be plaguing the butches in my town.

Today’s musings come in the form of a few simple items that a well prepared butch should never be caught without.

First, you should never be without fire.  Yes, I know I know, smoking is bad for you and gross – I agree about this totally, however the likelihood of someone you hang out with, or a stranger at a bar needing a light is high. And you’ll look super prepared if you can offer one to a friend (or potential friend) before they have to ask or go digging through their own pockets.

This doesn’t have to be a huge expenditure – a cheap Bic is just fine. I was lucky enough to be gifted with a Zippo that is inscribed with some lyrics that I also have a tattoo of – which means it’s an excellent conversation starter as well – you know, when I can actually remember to fill it and bring it with me. Either way, fire is your friend.

Have a pocket knife. This can be used in about a zillion different ways, from cutting tags off of freshly purchased clothing, fixing eyeglasses, cutting fruit on a spontaneous picnic, or once again, for helping out a friend in need.  I’ve been told by a femme friend that her butch’s pocket knife has saved more than one manicure.

Once again, this doesn’t need to be spendy at all, and once again, I’ve been gifted a pretty nice Victorinox Swiss Army knife. The best place to find one that might be a little more unique is at the local Army/Navy store, but most sporting good stores will have a decent selection as well.

Something that is a bit of a throwback to the days gentility is to have some pocket squares, or handkerchiefs on you. They’re good for sneezes, small messes, and lipstick fixes.  If you’re not so keen on getting makeup all over your pocket squares, have one of those little packets of tissues at the ready.  Those will be equally appreciated though, perhaps not as stylish.

During the regular day to day I keep the little packet of tissues on me. For dressier occasions I have a small collection of handkerchiefs that I like to have tucked into my shirt or jacket pocket. There’s a bunch of different ways that you can fold them – and we’ll hit upon that at a later time. Also, sometimes I find neat fabric that I really dig and make my own pocket squares, which is incredibly unique and I can match them with things other than my tie (traditional,) like my sneakers/shoes.

If you’re fortunate enough to have a car that you occasionally escort others in PLEASE have an umbrella (ella ella ay ay) in the trunk or under the seat. Your chivalry will never be in question if you can escort a passenger from car to door in a downpour without them getting their hair wet. I PROMISE you this.

This is kind of a no-brainer but if you’re engaging in certain…activities you should always have safety in mind and be prepared. Really. There’s no excuse for lack of preparation in this department.

Finally – there are a couple of other things that the well prepared butch should never be without. They’re not physical items but more a mindset that will keep you sane in most situations.

Always have a plan. Even if you don’t stick to it, it’s really good to have a plan. “A plan for what” you might ask? Doesn’t matter. If you make a date with someone, whether it be friend or “friend,” or business or whatever, have a plan on what you’d like to happen. If things are going to change and you need to fly by the seat of your pants a little bit? So be it. Having a plan shows others that you’re engaged, and that you care that your company is going to have a good time.

Have a willingness to be late. Really. For me this is the hardest for me to remember because I try to never ever, ever, be late.  I actually try to be 5 minutes early for most everything. But (and really, I don’t want to generalize because there are so many different ways to be whatever you want to be) it’s been my experience that femmes ( I’m not just into femmes, but a butch hasn’t ever made me late) make me late. And that I need to be okay with that. Because often times we’re late due to fashion crisis, or make-up waiting, or hair waiting, but then there are those other times that I’m made late for other reasons and honestly? Those other reasons make all of the other late times worth it.

The single most important thing to always have in your possession? Your sense of humor. This single thing can help you get through almost any situation you find yourself in. It will help you deal with the being late, with the not having a plan, and any other sort of not being prepared. And being able to laugh at yourself and hard situations means that you don’t take yourself too seriously, and that you recognize that life isn’t always going to be perfect – and you can handle it.

What other things should a butch not be without?

How to #1 : 4 Over Hand Knot

Ok. Disclaimer – I have never tied a tie without looking in a mirror before.  Also? If you’re left handed uhhh. Just reverse it all, kay? Also? I talk fast. I’ll work on that for next time.

Sartorial Fail #1

This was supposed to be a post about how bra shopping didn’t actually have to be a horrible no-good shopping event.

I was supposed to be telling you about my successful trip to buy some, how I was patient and took my time to select bras that were perfect. How buying what is probably the most dreaded item a butch can buy doesn’t have to be a terrible event.

And then I got there. And everything hanging on racks has padding and wires and things I don’t need. At all. Lacy and frilly and generally things I like to look at on others but definitely not myself.  And when I know I have to navigate it all to select some for myself they somehow fill me with terror.

So. Um. I went to the boxes, picked some in a size (its been a while since I bought bras and I thought I might have changed size) that I thought would fit. Ran into dressing room. Frustratingly tried two on. Didn’t work. Knew I was done. Grabbed some boxes in old size and got the heck out of there.

This took all of 7 minutes.

I hate bra shopping.

A nice stiff…..collar

Bringing things back in line sartorially, we’ll meander back to dress shirts. If custom made shirts are out of your reach, like they are mine, your best bet is going to the men’s department of a local clothing store.  The most important information with which to arm yourself with is your shirt size. The best way to find this is to get sized by a professional.   I have had great success in both Nordstrom and Macy’s across the country, but as my local mall only has a Macy’s, it’s where I head most often.

I find that it’s all about the confidence you exude; that’s what  will help make your shopping experience top notch. Yes, you’ll encounter some homophobic assholes who don’t want to help you, but for the most part, many of these employees work on commission,  so it’s in their best interest to treat you very very well.

Usually if you even stand in the department near the shirts, an employee will come over and help you out. When they ask if they can help, say “Yes, I’d like to be sized for a shirt please.” Now, it can get a little uncomfortable because well, they’re usually men, and you’re not, and they get a tape measure and get near to your body and if you REALLY hate this you can do it yourself at home BUT if they do it they will know which shirts they have that should fit you well. You can also sometimes just get away with a sleeve and collar check and move from there.

I don’t really have much going on in the chest department so I mostly gravitate towards fitted shirts that have a slim cut. I quite like the Alfani brand fitted dress shirt. For less expensive fitted shirts I also enjoy the selection at H&M, but you do get what you pay for and these are certainly not as high quality as the Alfani.

If you have a larger chest, then you’re going to require a more regular or fuller shirt – and trust me, the store employees will know which brands to steer you towards for the best fit. When I go the regular fit route I quite enjoy DKNY dress shirts, as well as the offerings at Banana Republic.

With a thinner waist and bigger chest, the challenge is finding something that fits up top but isn’t dress-like on the bottom;  if you’re thick at the beltline, the problem is finding something that doesn’t bunch in the arms and chest area to make it fit around your waist.  I encourage larger butches to tread cautiously when in big/tall sections of department stores as it can be hard to find something that fits that doesn’t go down to your knees. However, remember your friendly tailor? If you find a shirt that fits right but is too long, either in the body or the sleeve, they CAN take care of it for you.

It may take some time to figure it all out, but once you know your size and what works, you are pretty well-armed to find a shirt that fits right at almost any men’s store in which  you find yourself in.  It can also be helpful to bring a friend along with you who can help you judge what is working and what isn’t.

As for my favorite, favorite, favorite dress shirt maker? I LOVE Brooks Brothers dress shirts. They are slightly out of range for me for all-the-time wear but I love getting them as gifts, or for the happy days when I find them at my local Goodwill store.  I JUST yesterday found out that there is a brand new Brooks Brothers outlet store not terribly far from my house. When I walked by it I pretty much um…well…if I could pop a stiffy over clothes I would have.

The best thing about Brooks Brothers is that their boys shirts fit smaller butches really, really well. So yeah, a little spendy, but you’ll look awesome in them.

As with any growing collection of clothes, start slowly. Figure out what works best for you and begin with neutral colors that are going to mesh with the clothes you already have. A black, grey, and white dress shirt selection can take you a long way as far as versatility goes, and then work in some blues, browns, stripes, etc. If you care for them well, as outlined in the “hot and steamy” post, you should have these in your wardrobe for quite some time, so this doesn’t necessarily have to be an expensive project to get started on.

What shirts fit you the best?

Coveting

The crisp fall weather is starting to turn into downright cold here in the Northern city where I reside. The wool jackets, pea coats, and trenches are starting to make their way out of closets and on to the street.  And for a really long time I’ve wanted a Burberry scarf to accent my winter-wear. The traditional one has a camel colored base, but as I gravitate towards greys and blacks,  this scarf is so so the one I covet.

Any winter gear you’re coveting?

Practical Magic

We’ve come to the first post that isn’t about clothing, but about home decor. We’ll get into more specific details as time goes by, going over certain rooms in your house and how you can make them more….suited to be convenient and stylish at the same time. For now we’ll  just poke our heads into the world of home decorating and how you can make your place accomplish the three large goals that a personal dwelling should achieve. First, you should be comfortable and happy. Second, it should be welcoming enough that your friends  like to spending time with you at your house. Third your home should be inviting enough that a special friend might want to spend the evening.

Your home should show your personality and likes. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money to make your place both stylish or homey or some combination of the two. Even just a coat of fresh paint can make a blah room become one where people gravitate.

For me, I get skeeved out when I go into a home where there are no visible books or art. You can keep your books hidden in bedrooms or offices but even just a coffee table book makes me feel like there’s more than just watching tv going on in a home.

As for art? Unless you really do live in a dorm room, get rid of the posters. Yeah, I know, you love “Persistence of Memory,” but it’s time to grow up and be original. And original art doesn’t need to be expensive. Look out for sales at local art schools, or artist studios. And, for G-d’s sake, you’re  (I’m using an umbrella term. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone. Really.) queer. Odds are really good you know a talented artist (or four) who probably wouldn’t mind if their work was on display in the home of a friend. You might even be able to barter your skills, whatever they may be, for some original art. If you absolutely HAVE to keep the “Pulp Fiction” movie poster, at least frame it, okay?

Make sure that your house is clean. I can’t stress this one enough. It is relatively easy to keep kitchens and bathrooms fairly spotless.  It’s ok if there’s a dish or two in the sink but your bathroom needs to not be grody. At all. Your friends won’t want to come over because of it and no one else is going to want to stay over if they have to shower in a gross, mildewy, nasty shower.

You don’t have to be completely anal-retentive (like me) and have a fairly spotless house most of the time. A little bit of clutter is fine and well, kind of makes things a little homey. Just don’t be dirty. Vacuum. Mop. Dust. When you can’t see over piles of stuff? That’s when your clutter has officially become your mess and you need to fix that asap before you become one of those OCD pack rat hoarders that they make tv shows about. Take 10 minutes a day and keep up your place. It makes a huge difference.

Your home should be warm, no matter how big or small it is. I don’t mean heat wise (in that regards I’m a total conservationist) I mean comfort wise. There should be rooms that people want to gravitate to, and you should recognize that and make it easy for them to stay there. I love to cook and entertain. Naturally, people end up in my kitchen eating, talking, and helping me out. I noticed pretty early on that people who weren’t helping out were just standing around and not knowing where to hang while in the kitchen and so I remedied this with a couple of low bar stools that I picked up at Ikea.  Voila. Guests had a place to sit and be included in everything that was going on and it was an instant improvement.

I also keep a bunch of extra folding chairs hidden away for when parties become bigger and groups of people end up sitting around my dining room table chatting into the early hours of the next day.  There’s also enough seating in my living room that a pretty good sized group of people can chill out and watch a movie or play video games. Having places for people to get comfy themselves will totally make them want to hang out at your place more often.

As for potential overnight visitors? For goodness sake make sure your bedroom is impeccable. Clean sheets. Bed made. Floor clean. Good music (if you can handle music while, you know…I can’t. The songs get stuck in my head and I lose concentration, but if it works for you, go for it)and…supplies…should be at the ready. Also, if its going to be an overnight, prepare in advance. Have extra clean towels and maybe even an extra robe hanging around. Don’t be all rico-suave about it and have it on the door ready to go, be cute about it in the morning, “I may have an extra robe, lemme check” style. Additionally, extra toothbrushes are never a bad thing – and will also remind you to change yours out more often.

Have good coffee and juice and cold water ready to go. You don’t need to come across like a player to be prepared for company even without much notice. Trust me, your guests will notice the care you’ve taken in making them feel welcome in your home and will both want to come back, and also invite you to spend more time with them as well.

What do YOU do to make guests, overnight or otherwise, feel comfortable in your home?

Sweet dreams are made of these

As I mentioned in the previous post, I spent a portion of my weekend doing some shopping. I’ve had a fascination with custom made dress shirts ever since I saw this service offered in the men’s department at Nordstrom a few years back. I think that, barring the obvious expense, I’d probably have all of my shirts custom made. They would then always fit right at the collar, chest, and waist, and the arms would be the right length, which is not always achieved by the ready-to-wear shirts I currently buy.  And yes, it’s the expense that’s keeping me from it. One custom made shirt runs from about $200-$300 dollars and the end price generally depends on the fabric you choose.

Shopping for a custom made shirt is really FUN. There are SO many choices to be made!!  I know that if I ever really get serious about buying one I think I’d like a gray fabric with black stripes, or, the other way round.  From the research we conducted the big thing is getting sized. Collar first, and working South from there. You get to pick how you’d like the cuffs sewn. If you’d like buttons, or French cuffs, or if you’d like a certain angle cut into the edge or trim of the cuff.  Next you get to choose how you would like the back of the shirt to be sewn,  in either one or two panels, and if you’d like one, two, or no pleats, which are sewn in where the back meets the yoke (shoulder piece) and adds fullness to the shirt.  The next choice is in what kind of collar you’d like, and how the points of the collar will fall at the front of the shirt.  That’s about it.

That’s about it unless you’d like to get even MORE personalized options added into your shirt, like a panel of fabric that hides the buttons, or if you’d like the cuff or pockets (if you choose to have a pocket) monogrammed. See? This is awesome!!

So, yeah. It’s expensive. And if you don’t often have the occasion to wear a dress shirt, one that is custom made is  probably financially out of reach for most of us. But for me?  I’m thinking that when I’m as fit as I’d like to be (and stay there for a while) I will reward myself with a custom shirt. For now though,  I’ll keep this on the coveting list and hopefully be moving on from there.

Small accomplishments

This afternoon a favorite femme friend and I went on a small shopping excursion. It was fairly dangerous, as shopping with her was just like shopping by myself except now it wasn’t just me convincing myself that I SO needed all the hot stuff I encountered.  And of course, her impeccable sense of style was tremendously appreciated.

I ended up buying (amongst other stuff)  two really beautiful ties, and one of them is a bow tie. Yep, that’s right, I think I’m going to make a handsome bow tied butch and I’m not ashamed to say it! At first I wasn’t sure I could pull it off, but two femme friends and my girlfriend have since eased my fears – this is a look that I’m going to rock, and I encourage you to give it a shot!  And yes, a good portion of my afternoon was spent learning how to tie it. I’m feeling pretty proud of myself.

Thoughts? Have you rocked a bow tie before?