Yes, I’m cross-posting. Sue me.
So, I don’t know if I mentioned it before but I have started writing a bi-monthly (ish) column over at butch-femme.com. I’ve been talking more relationship/sex/being type stuff rather than the fashion talk I usually do here – but as it’s pride month- or it was when I wrote it - and, well, I still have been seeing a bunch of not-nice butch behavior both in my real life and on the web, I thought I’d re-post this weeks colum.
A few weeks ago I wrote about how I try to walk through my existence with confidence and kindness. I linked that column here, too. And when I spoke at the fashion show I did at Re/Dress NYC last month, the idea of being butch with confidence and kindness was one of my main focal points. And I think this is a good thing. So, anyway – here is my latest -
Happy Pride Month everyone!!
Being as it is Pride month and all, I thought I’d continue on my previous column where I talked a little bit about my philosophy on life; living with confidence and kindness. In order to do this it is imperative that you do not cut others down. I know that seems like a no-brainer but really, it’s something that I see all the time. If I’m being 100% honest, it’s something that I know I’ve done in the past as well, sometimes it made me feel better about myself by cutting someone else down – for whatever reason. Fashion? Looks? Relationship status? Identity? Yeah, I’m guilty of all of that.
But it’s something I’m working on really really hard. And sometimes, when the world brings us down so much, it’s easiest to judge other queers because their idea their own identity isn’t how we see ours. And that’s scary because if my idea of butch is totally different than someone else’s idea of butch, then who’s right? Is it me? Is it them? Truth of it is – it’s both.
Admittedly, there are lots of things that other butches do or claim that I don’t understand fully – or at all – and may never. But that doesn’t mean that it’s bad or wrong or un-butch. I’m a self-proclaimed faggoty-butch. I’m not a tough guy. I’m not stone. I hate bugs. I scream at the smallest moth or fly. As much as I like owning power tools, I rarely use them for things other than hanging art. I haven’t ridden a motorcycle in over 10 years, and as much as I love the idea of owning one again, mostly, it scares me silly. I enjoy fiber arts. I sew. Mostly, I can make PJ bottoms, aprons, and cloth diapers, but am working on other projects as well. I love Broadway show tunes. And, as many of you know, I love fashion. All of these things, and none of these things define me, or make me more or less butch than any of my brothers and sisters. But pick any one of them, and it’s something that I know another has used to cut me down. Sometimes it’s to my face, often it’s not, but I know it’s there. And so do you. And it’s not cool.
We can make it stop – it’s 100% do-able. And when you learn to walk confidently and kindly in your own skin without making others feel bad in order to do so? Well, that’s (in part) what makes you irresistible to others. And that’s where I’ll be taking this in my next installment….stay tuned!