There’s still a few days left….
Allow me to introduce my FIRST guest writer, Kirsten!! Kir is one of my most favorite femmes in all the universe, and I’ve asked her to help me out with my femme gift giving guide. I’ve asked her not only because she is a brilliant writer and has an incredible wealth of knowledge about many things girlie, but because, well, I kind of burnt myself out on thoughts after finding the perfect sparkly item for *my* femme and needed a little help for you all. So, I hope you’ll kindly welcome Kir into the SB fold!
First of all, I’d like to thank the Sartorial Butch for inviting me to share my femme gift-giving guide with her readers; this blog has been long overdue, and I’m honored to be a part of it.
Second of all, femmes are always late.* The SB would have liked this to go up a week ago, but I was busy being schmoopy with my butch on vacation, and then playing catch-up at work. So there ya have it.
Buying for femmes isn’t the scary prospect so many butches and others who date femmes tend to imagine; we’re really an easy bunch, and the items in this post will serve more as guidelines than rules, really (name the movie, get a cookie!). What’s always going to be most important, as with any gift-giving, is that it’s thoughtful, and shows that you’re considering her wants, and not only giving her what earns you prime bragging rights (unless that’s a negotiated thing – in which case, go big or go home).
So the first, and most powerful, item in your femme-gift arsenal: her best friend’s phone number. Not her sister, not her roommate (unless they happen to be one and the same). The BFF will have the inside scoop on everything from sizing to colors to what she’s already got and what she really needs and wants. Besides that, she’s got the ability to call your femme and say, “Hey, I can’t find my copy of The Persistent Desire, can I borrow yours? There’s a piece I wanted to re-read. Oh, you don’t have it? Okay, I’ll check with so-and-so.” Mission: accomplished. The best friend will also know when to be sneaky and when to come right out and say, “Your butch wants to get you a Stop Staring dress, which one do you want most?” Because sometimes the direct approach is best. Trust her to know when to use which.
The SB talked a little about gift cards and gift certificates in the butch gift-giving guide; I’d like to point out that femmes are a special breed in this case, because gift certificates for services are always a good bet, particularly if it’s something she does for herself like a mani/pedi. If you aren’t sure if she does her own nails because she wants to or because she doesn’t want to splurge on a professional, just ask sometime when she’s in the middle of the process. She’ll know why you’re asking, and she’ll give you the answer you need in order to decide if it’s something she’d appreciate. In order to make the gift something she remembers, and not just a certificate that gets used and forgotten, buy her the polish you want her to wear when she goes to the nail salon. Butches selecting nail and makeup colors is hot.
For the femme in your life who either isn’t electronically inclined, or who prefers to give you that chance to flex your butch muscles, we love gadgets, too! Just make sure you install, calibrate, configure, or otherwise set up the netbook, iPod, stereo, or blu-ray player, or else it’ll make a stunning paperweight, or centerpiece on the dining room table. Same goes for car stuff – does she apologize for how dirty it is every time you get in, or get nervous in inclement weather? Take her car for a complete inside-outside wash, vacuum, and detailing, or if you’re feeling really generous (and maybe a bit protective), have snow tires put on for her. It’s practical, but also shows that you care and pay attention. Having something fun and little wrapped and in the driver’s seat when you deliver the car after service is a nice touch – it can be a cute stuffed animal, a package of her favorite cookies, or a pretty travel coffee mug – just something to add a personal touch to the gift.
Is your femme the Betty Crocker type? Non-essential kitchen appliances can be great gifts, particularly if they’re items she’s wanted but just hasn’t gotten around to buying for herself. Again, along the lines of gadget installation, don’t just get her the appliance – if you’re buying a breadmaker, get a few mixes so she doesn’t have to wait until she thinks to buy one herself to use it. Open the box and slip in a cute apron; if you’re lucky, she’ll be using the breadmaker and wearing the apron – and nothing but the apron – within hours, if you’ve provided everything she needs to get right to it.
As everyone knows, jewelry is always a popular gift. It can be cute and inexpensive, or you can go all out if you’re that kind of butch, and she’s your kind of girl. This is one time I will always forgive a butch for snooping – if you want to make sure you’re getting a good length for a necklace or bracelet, or sizing a ring, sneak one she wears regularly out of her jewelry box when she’s in the shower one day and take it with you while you shop. You can get a ring sized at any jeweler, and most other jewelry comes in standard lengths. Pay attention to what she wears – if she doesn’t own any yellow gold, go white gold or silver. If she loves brightly colored plastic bangles and earrings, get her some in colors besides what she already owns. If you’re going with gemstones, choose something that will accent the colors she wears most frequently. And if you want it to be something she wears all the time, be sure to select a neutral combination of metal, setting, and stone.
Handmade gifts are one of my favorite categories, because the time and effort put into them goes above and beyond what it takes to walk into a store and make a selection. My butch is into woodworking, and I’ve requested some custom storage and organization for my vanity – something like a knife block for my makeup brushes, a cabinet with tilted shelves and slots for all of my pigments so I can see them all at a glance, maybe a magnet board for my palettes… The possibilities are endless when you’re starting from scratch, and I know that every piece will be crafted to perfection because it’ll be one of a kind, made just for me. Does your femme have an area where she just can’t get things to fit the way she wants them to? A closet that doesn’t accommodate her shoes in such a way that she can get to all of them? Wasted wall space in the kitchen and nowhere to keep frequently used utensils? Get creative and get thee to Home Depot – there’s nothing as sexy as a butch hard at work making something for her very appreciative femme.
I hope this has been helpful, informative, and inspiring – come back and let us know what you did for the special femme in your life this holiday season!
* Disclaimer: all “femmes always,” “femmes never,” and other blanket statements are utter bullshit; I just figured it might go over better than “I’m always late.” Ya know, strength in numbers and all that.