So, I was shooting the breeze with a wonderful butch friend of mine who often helps me get my thoughts together when I’m trying to put down what’s in my head, and so we’ve come up with a few items to put on this list of how to be a poised and classy butch, especially when entertaining a date. Feel free to add yours in the comments!
1) Be polite. Utilize your best manners in all situations. But don’t overdo it, or try to be something you aren’t. Hold doors and pull out chairs and walk on the outside because it’s something you’re driven to do – not because you think it’s expected. Doing those things tells people a lot about who you are – and if you’re not doing it out of a genuine desire to make things easier for your companion they are going to know this and just think you’re fake.
2) Don’t show up empty handed for a date– but don’t be afraid to bring something that isn’t flowers – cupcakes, a bottle of wine, a book or magazine, a mix cd – know your audience. Doing little things like this shows your date that you pay attention, and if you don’t know them that well, shows that you’ve done a bit of research about what makes them happy!
3) Some driving etiquette – Open the door for her. Often times you’ll find that (if you don’t have remote entry) many dates will reach across to return the favor for you! If it’s nasty nasty out and your date has dressed up? Drop them off in front of the restaurant or date location so they don’t have to trudge through rain or snow.
4) I’ve said this before but I can NOT say it enough. Stay the eff off of your cell phone. Unless it’s an absolute emergency, all calls and texts should be addressed when you’re alone – even if that’s just when she’s in the bathroom. If someone has been kind enough to take the time to enjoy your company, you should be kind enough to give them your full attention.
5) Do not take it upon yourself to be financially responsible for every person you’re dating, unless that is some arrangement you have. Just because you’re butch doesn’t mean that you should pay all the time. ESPECIALLY if you really CAN’T afford it!! Yes, the occasional “I’ve got this!” is fine, but if someone expects that you’re going to foot the bill every time you go out? That’s not dating, it’s using. Really.
Generally, money is a pretty personal subject, and touchy for some. If you’re independently wealthy or considerably more financially flush than your date, well, you know, you do what you’re comfortable with. I’m really thankful that I a have a good amount of expendable income and can afford to take my girl (or sometimes, just friends) out, but they ALWAYS show care for me by getting things they CAN handle. Movies. Breakfast. Bubble Tea. Whatever. It’s the small things people do that show they are not taking advantage of you.
By the same token, if you KNOW that your date really can’t afford certain things, don’t put them in the position of telling you that they can’t afford to do something with you. Make it clear from the start that you’re taking care of the evening, and if you can’t cover it? Don’t do it. Pick something else. Making a date feel uncomfortable about money is well, just not cool.
6) Make sure your house is equipped for company – also another topic I can’t talk about enough. Making sure the sheets are clean and your room is tidy, and that you have fresh towels for your guests shows that you are genuinely interested in their comfort while in your care. Also? You’ll score extra points for offering washcloths to overnight guests. The bathroom should be impeccably spotless. Also – having coffee/tea for them in the morning? Priceless.
7) Don’t advertise what you do in bed. Really. Perspective partners will find out what you do/don’t do, like/don’t like on their own. Even if you think it’s funny or cool being braggadocios about it makes them think that you’re going to talk about them in the same manor. And usually? They’re right.
8 ) Continuing on #7, don’t discuss your sexcapades with exes with current partners with anything but the highest regard and respect for someone who liked you enough to share a bed/closet/corner/etc with you. As in #7, when you trash talk about your experiences with ex partners it just makes the prospective/current one think you’re going to repeat that behavior, except next time, it will be about them.
So, that’s a pretty loaded handful…..your thoughts, additions, or disagreements?