And even worse if I was broke would you want me
As I’ve not shied away from calling out bad butch behavior, I won’t keep the agita caused by the following subject locked up either. Something that’s kind of been bothering me lately is this weird assumption (and I don’t only hear this type of talk from butches but honestly, in my world they are the main perpetrators) or belief that femme = high maintenance. This type of thinking is so beyond negative and wrong that it kind of makes me just get all prickly – not just because I’M likely more high maintenance than most femmes (or anyone, really) but because of how offensive that type of statement really is.
I’d like to dissect the statement a little bit, if you’ll just give me a day to be kind of on edge and all angry. Turns out, those two words, that descriptor, is something I WANT in a partner. I want someone (and also to BE that person with someone) who is high maintenance. To me that means we’re both going to have to work hard to keep the relationship that we have working. Yes, it’s a two sided street and both/all partners need to be dedicated to this thinking in order for things to progress, but for me (and I’m guessing lots others) this type of high maintenance interplay is what keeps things going!
Additionally, when this term is used in reference to a partner of mine well – it makes me smile. Because generally, the type of brand of high maintenance I’m talking about means that she’s taking the time, effort, and care to present herself to me in a way that we BOTH find appealing and pleasing. If this type of high maintenance is for my benefit? Well keep on keepin’ on.
Somewhere along the way the term was applied, in a sexist and misogynist way, to femme identified/feminine (this term runs rampant through het culture as well but with a different spin, I think) people because of what? Because they have a different standard for their own appearance and way that they express themselves? I wonder why we take these GOOD qualities and associate that to what I think most people see as a character flaw that means you’re one who is overly obsessed with appearance and focused on only the highest quality and most expensive life possible, and that you expect someone else to be providing that living for you, AND that you turn into hell on wheels if you’re NOT living a life that you deserve to be living – even if you’re not doing anything to bring yourself to that level.
My personal hell would be getting myself into a relationship with any of the personality types seen mostly in such venues like “Real Housewives of….” If you need to be with someone who buys you tons of expensive stuff and takes you out to expensive places and always foots the bill you are NOT high maintenance. You’re just a using slug. Really.
If that’s you? Go listen to some Destiny’s Child/Beyonce and get back to me.
*addendum. My friend Beelisty went this route today too.