Butches bringing sexytime back

Normally, Beelisty and I are incredibly busy people during the day, giving well over 100% of our energies to our respective employers.  Today? Not so much.

What follows is a transcript we had earlier today about music selection for….you know.

SB: i like the idea of sexytime music, but i have to be honest. I can only perform if I’ve never heard the music before.

BL: So you’re constantly on the lookout for new sexytime music?  Wow.

SB: Yeah, well if I know it, the beat/words get caught in my head and I lose concentration.

BL: I can totally understand that.  I’ve been known to sing along. Some folks find it funny, others? Not so much.  But I find sex funny, and have no interest in having sex with people who can’t laugh during sex.

SB: I think sex is funny too.  I mean, sometimes it isn’t. But funny laughter-filled sex is awesome.  I wish I could be all 1997 because I LOVE Portishead for sexytime music.  I’ve exhausted that possibility now.

BL: Ooh, Portishead is good sexy music.  They need to keep making records just for you.  Or people like me need to keep sharing Portishead-type stuff with you. Have you checked out Electrelane?  They’re super sexy sounding (and looking).  Massive Attack.  Faithless.  Tricky.   Also, I’m gonna recommend this record by Bows– it’s called Cassidy and I have spent many hours making out to this record.

SB: You’re amazing.  I’ve burnt through a lot of people. Morphine.  Massive Attack.  Erykah Badu.  One thing I won’t do is work it to really really lesbo music.

BL: I can’t get down to really sincere R&B.  Like Keith Sweat?  No way.  I’d be laughed out of the bed from chuckling.

SB: HAHA Yeah. No Keith Sweat.

BL: There’s the fun, fast stuff– and I won’t lie.  As a hardcore riot grrl fan, I love to have sex to Sleater-Kinney, Bratmobile, Bikini Kill, etc…  Anyone who would play at a Ladyfest or Homo-A-Gogo is a good time for me.

SB: BUT – Sometimes R. Kelly (I know, I know) is not bad.

BL:  R. Kelly?! LOLZ. Nope.

SB: I’ve had awesome sex to Metallica.  Just sayin.

BL:  Ooh, I don’t think I’ve ever had any Metallicasex.  When it comes to the slower chill sex music, I like Electrelane, Portishead, Bows, Massive Attack.  Tricky.  Some Bjork.  *Sigh*  My goodness– you’re so right about it being the late 90s in our respective bedrooms.

SB: The Metallica S&M album (no pun intended, they’re just with the SF Symphony Orchestra) is awesome sexing music, and it’s a double disc.

BL:  Oh yea, that’s a great record. I don’t think it would have occurred to me to have sex to it.  The sincere jazz nerd in me (I used to play tenor saxophone) wants to have sex to John Coltrane records, but I haven’t ever slept with anyone that sincere.


BL: Maybe my future holds a lady who will get it on to Miles Davis and Coltrane?

SB: Monk is pretty good for that.

BL: Oh yea.  Ladies, if you are jazz fans, you can email me.

SB: I guess – I just feel like w/o the music my life is kind of becoming Trey Songz “The Neighbors Know my name” in real life.

BL: HAHAHAH! AMAZING! This may need you to draw on distant memories since you’re in a monogs relationship with the Sartorial Love, but here’s a question for you.  Your readers need to know how to behave in this sticky situation.  And by “your readers”, I mean me.

SB: Ok, shoot.

BL: What do you do when you are having sexytimes with someone who wants to listen to something you hate?

SB: Uhm. Well, in my case that’s a non-issue.

BL: Never in your sexy life has someone wanted to jam out to something you couldn’t fuck to?

SB: It hasn’t been THAT long since the SL and I were just platonic friends so I can come up with something for you. You say the following:

“Babe. I’d really like to get down with you but I’m going to lose my s*** if we have to listen to Sarah McLachlan while we do it. Can we pick something else, please? Some Joan Armatrading, perhaps?”

BL: Wait, you can’t bang to Sarah but you can bang to Joan?  I’m so sure right now! I’m actually laughing out loud.

SB: Well, I probably couldn’t bang to Joan.  But I feel like if Sarah was the option, I’d consider Joan. Thankfully, it’s been a decade since I’ve been with someone who would want to listen to that.

BL: Still laughing.  Okay, so what we’ve determined is that I’m a music snob and you can’t fuck to stuff you know.  I won’t get it on to stuff I hate, and no one will get it on with me to jazz.  So is there a dream butch sexy playlist? Which reminds me, I will not get it on to kd lang.

SB: Me neither. Or M.E. I sometimes feel like the only dyke in America who can’t stand M.E.

BL: You’re not.

SB: Oh, good. Or we’re both just snobs about music, which you know, isn’t shocking.

BL: Melissa Etheridge’s music is not my thing. I appreciate her out-ness, her courage, her public battle with cancer. I value her place in the community and respect her…but I don’t dig on her music.  And that’s ok.

SB: I may need to get in to classical music.

BL: Yea?

SB: Well, it’s practically infinite in selection.

BL: Absolutely.  I’m an opera fan.  Never had sexy times to it though, but there is potential for the music being louder than a screamer.

SB: I think I can’t do opera.  This conversation may need to be opened up to the public for their opinions. Thoughts?

BL:  Oh absolutely. We need to know what the people bang to.

Ok. SB fans –Please help my swingin’ friend Bee (and me) find some really good music for sexytime!  Obviously, this isn’t something we can handle ourselves!

Pee Ess:  I hate the word “sexytime.” Bee loves it. But I don’t. If I could think of something else that wasn’t stupid or offesnive, I’d use it.


30 Responses to “Butches bringing sexytime back”

  1. For the record, I don’t know what else to call it either. I kind of like sexytime because it can mean a lot of different things. 🙂

    Also, we didn’t talk about Estelle! Her dancy, fun record is probably a good time to get it on to.

    • I call it simply: Koko Taylor Time. This, because throwing on a Koko Taylor playlist is real good for getting down. Or really, any Lovely Lady of Blues. (I can think of some fine blues men I wouldn’t mind gettin’ it on to either.) And Miles Davis? Throw him on and throw me down, man.

      And for SB: “For me, music and life are all about style.” – Miles Davis

  2. I sing along to EVERYTHING, so I’m definitely in the no-music camp. I do not need sexytime to turn into a show choir performance.

    However, I do have two suggestions for things you should not use to inspire or encourage sexytime:

    1. Melissa Ferrick*
    2. Blink 182**

    * The only marginally sexy songs she’s ever written were Drive and Bad, Bad Girl and everything else is filled with the “I’m just a little too crazy” grunting.
    ** Yes, really.

    • The SL and I listened to Drive on Saturday and were like, Damn, this is still the dirtiest lesbo song out there, 10 years later. Shame the rest of it really really doesn’t work for sexytime.

      I can see Blink 182 working, but I’d much rather bang to Rancid.

    • You need to find stuff that’s nearly impossible / not gratifying to sing along with, like Sigur Ros or Beirut or Joy Division!

    • I can’t imagine ever thinking Blink 182 would be appropriate to get it on to… but thanks for the tip 😀

      Listening to Melissa Ferrick just makes me want to make us both a sandwich.

  3. I have this dilemma too. I always used to put on Mirah, but we got sick of it. Electrelane is my current go-to, but I fear my ladylove will soon tire of that too!

    I don’t like Melissa Etheridge either. Not at all. I also don’t like the word sexytimes, haha. What’s wrong with just sex (with the understanding that sex includes many many different acts, of course)?


    • Because just saying “sex” isn’t as fun, and at least in my head, generally means culmination of something. “Sexytime” is just set aside time that could include sex, or not, or just you know, hanging out in bed.

    • I agree w/ the SB– sex makes it sound like We are Definitely Doing It, but sexytimes can just be kind of chillin in bed, sorta making out, then talking some more, etc…

      • Ah, fair enough! I think i misunderstood because while I have trouble picking the right tunes for Definitely Doing It, general making out/hanging out bed time doesn’t pose a musical challenge for me. Any of my usual favorites seems to do.

  4. there was a period of time when i was in college that moby’s “play” album got played frequently during sexytime. so much so that i developed a pavlovian response to the music. i don’t have that automatic reaction any more, which is good.

    my sexytime encounters since then have tended to be music-less. when i have chosen music i tend to lean towards more ambient stuff, orchestral music, or jazz. i have yet to try opera, but the only opera-sque music i have is from when i was in orchestra and is a lot more oratorio heavy, and thus more religious. i think it would be weird to have sexytime to “elijah” or the “messiah.”

    either way, thanks for sharing this conversation. maybe i’ll start bringing back the music during sexytime..

  5. Simona Brianti Says:

    I would recommend Patti Smith, any song will do…!

  6. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Raquefella, bee listy. bee listy said: me and @sartorialbutch talked about music. https://sartorialbutch.wordpress.com/2010/04/12/butches-bringing-sexytime-back/ […]

  7. Awww, I like the idea of sincere sex to good jazz! Nina Simone is a good pick for that, I think. Boards of Canada, Thievery Corporation, Telefon Tel Aviv, Air (all relatively chill electronica)… Florence & the Machine, Pina, Dax Riggs.

    I’d rather have “sexytimes” than “fooling around” (one alternative among many). The latter seems to diminish its importance.

  8. First and foremost, I’m super glad I’m not the only one who discusses sex-related matters like this. My friends and I are total potty mouths about it and this has been known to unsettle the tomboy from time to time. I’ll be all, “ZOMG, do you know what Satin Balls did to so-and-so?” and she looks all horrified and I’m like, “What?! What did I say? Satin balls? Motorboat? Deep dickin’?”

    Anyway, music. I can’t get down with the late 90s, unless you count stuff like Blonde Redhead or riot grrl action, but I am for certain strains of dark wave or at least darker new wave or synthpop (Soft Cell has some truly spectacular music for sex, for instance and fittingly Non-stop Ecstatic Dancing, there’s always Depeche Mode).

    More recent gems are all three of Nouvelle Vague’s albums, Brazilian Girls and Beirut. Beirut sex is TOPS, yo.

    • You can be sure we all talk just as much about sex– but i think it depends on the butches to what code we adhere to. I’m more likely to talk about my thoughts, issues than I am to talk about who did what with whom….that’s the code I was “raised” with. 🙂

      I really like NV, BG, and Beirut… thanks for the tip. 🙂

    • Hee hee, “deep dickin'”.

  9. Nine Inch Nails or anything darkwave.

  10. Oh gawd, with regard to the music incompatible with sexytime, my ladyfriend has a fondness for dimestore electronica. I got up and changed it to Metric.

    • I love Metric……..but that’s a problem cuz I already know the music. Shucks.

    • I don’t even know what dimestore electronica means! Can you give me artist examples?

      Damn, I love Metric.

      • Honestly, I don’t know–I called it “dimestore electronica” because she went to a CD store that was liquidating its stock and got, like, 20 CDs of electronica and techno and what-have-you for a buck or something. I don’t mind electronica, but these are all bad. And she just loves them!
        I mean, normally, I’m like “Sweetie? Darling? Lover? If you would be so kind, the music selection is… lacking somewhat. Perchance to change it?” Not this time. Off!

        SB–what about yeah yeah yeahs? very metric-like.

  11. I pretty much require music for sex. I can tune it out when need be for concentration, but I really like the background. When I host I try to find out what the other person likes and have those playlists ready.

    I absolutely require music for any kind of kinky pursuit. Playlists help me pace a scene, and I spend as much time plotting those as I do the activities.

    My ex was like you and couldn’t fuck to anything with a beat or words or he would lose focus so we compromised & did it to jazz a lot.

    Things I like to listen to while doing it:
    *classic rock, especially rock and punk by female vocalists, Joan Jett, Pat Benetar, Heart, Tina Turner
    *Riot Grrrl stuff like Bee mentioned
    *Hip Hop, especially things with a good beat. 50 cent is great for this.
    *Other selections from my sex mixes: Zero 7, Portishead, Massive Attack, The Knife, Peaches, My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, Scream Club, Rilo Kiley, The Who, D’Angelo. Diverse, like my taste in music.

    I think music, as in all sexual pursuits, requires communication and compromise.

    • I strive to one day have abs like D’angelo. Not bloody likely, but…we have hopes.

      Jazz is ok – again, as long as I haven’t really heard it before. And I mean, I have had sex to music – it’s just harder for my add brain to stay on track, and I really like staying on track.

  12. Meshell Ndegeocello has a few albums that could qualify as sexytime music…I miss sexytime set to tunes, not bloody likely with twin toddlers

  13. I am so late to this party, but try Ravel’s Bolero. It’s long (I have one version that’s 16 minutes), and it’s repetitious and rhythmic with this building crescendo that just gets louder and more intense and … yeah. Good song.

  14. Usually it’s a movie rather than music. But there is one memorable occasion of sexytime with Deacon Blue playing in the background. It’s become like a code. ‘Would you like to listen to Deacon Blue?’

  15. I’ve not actually had sex to Enigma, but I want to every time I listen to it! That’s some very sexy music.

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