Turning the page

Nothing like a swift kick in the pants to put things in motion. I know that Lao Tzu said that “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,” which is nice, but mostly, I just need a boot in the butt to jump off the cliff – and this blog certainly got one. This piece appeared last week on Slate, and well, we kind of got called out in it.  And it’s true. We’ve been missing for a while, I admit it. Even before we went real silent, Bee was pulling through with a smattering of posts but my mind and heart were elsewhere.

Becoming a parent in 2011 pretty much shifted my attention away from myself and directly towards my family. Buying clothes and shoes and ties and all the things I love wearing as part of my “look” very quickly shifted to needing food and formula and paying the mortgage and the gas bill. Overnight we went from DINK’S to a 3 person family where one adult worked outside the home and was responsible for keeping everything financially afloat, and one adult did amazing work at home caring for an infant, then toddler, now bona-fide girl child. And we loved it. So much that we welcomed our second daughter in 2015 and now there are 4 of us, but same constraints keep my focus on what we need to survive as a family – and sometimes it’s really hard.

Meeting the needs of my growing (and always hungry) family cut out pretty much all of my extra spending money. It’s kind of good that I had so many shoes to rotate around because outside of the thrill of buying new stuff, now I try to not wear through too many things because personal spending has been pretty much at a stand-still for 5 years. And I’m ok with that. I make it work. I still dress exactly how I want to but, it’s toned down a bit to be more kid friendly. Because it only took one near strangulation attempt to get that my ties weren’t going to work during play time, and if I wanted to jump right in to play before bed in the limited time I have with my girls between getting home from work and night night for them, well I had to make some adjustments. And that’s ok too. We’re people, we grow.

I do want to acknowledge that for many, right now is not as warm and cozy a time to appear different as maybe it felt to me 5 years ago. New laws about bathrooms, refusal of service, and flat out discrimination  have a lot of people on edge and may  not be dressing how they want to out of fear that they will be hurt, emotionally and/or physically. And this is so not ok, but I get the preservation of self.

What has been made clear to us is that there is still a need for what we did/do. So, while it may not always be me or Bee (we’re looking to expand our team to meet the needs of our community) we will make sure that somehow, some way, The Sartorial Butch will rise to the challenge and address the issues that butches/dykes/queers/bois/studs/trans/genderqueers and others who may be masculine of center are dealing with right now. We’ll be here for advice, commiseration, and cool sartorial stuff. We’ll answer questions, listen to and address YOUR concerns, and while we’re not sure how this is all going to look, we do commit to being here.

Thank you so much for reading – SB


Hey folks…Bee Listy here! It’s great to be writing in this space again!  We’ve been so quiet for such a long time, and I didn’t realize how much I was missing this community until I started thinking about what I wanted to say coming back.
For me, the last four years have been a real challenge– I moved from Cincinnati, OH to Springfield, MA then to Sacramento, CA — all moves focused on my career in higher education administration. My now-wife has made all of those moves with me, and now that I’m feeling more settled in this new spot, I’m excited to make time to be present in this space and with this community again.  My style has certainly shifted significantly–what worked for me sartorially in Ohio and Massachusetts don’t really work for me here in California.  Sacramento is pretty great and my job, while professional, has a really casual vibe for work wear.  It seems that the whole state does.
I’m excited to be back, and I’m ready to talk glasses and shoes and accessories with all of you again.

4 Responses to “Turning the page”

  1. Y’all. My femme self sure has missed you. ❤

  2. A hearty Welcome Back! 5 years later and I for one still need as much butch uncle fashion help as ever. And now I’m a parent too & excited to hear about practical fashion for the chubby butch mama. Hope to see you again soon in my feed!

  3. OMG, I was so happy to see this! I’ve missed hearing from/reading my fellow butches – a lot. I know change is inevitable, but I like hearing about that aspect of life, too. I know time is at a premium, but I hope to see more writing from you both!

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