Normally, Beelisty and I are incredibly busy people during the day, giving well over 100% of our energies to our respective employers. Today? Not so much.
What follows is a transcript we had earlier today about music selection for….you know.
SB: i like the idea of sexytime music, but i have to be honest. I can only perform if I’ve never heard the music before.
BL: So you’re constantly on the lookout for new sexytime music? Wow.
SB: Yeah, well if I know it, the beat/words get caught in my head and I lose concentration.
BL: I can totally understand that. I’ve been known to sing along. Some folks find it funny, others? Not so much. But I find sex funny, and have no interest in having sex with people who can’t laugh during sex.
SB: I think sex is funny too. I mean, sometimes it isn’t. But funny laughter-filled sex is awesome. I wish I could be all 1997 because I LOVE Portishead for sexytime music. I’ve exhausted that possibility now.
BL: Ooh, Portishead is good sexy music. They need to keep making records just for you. Or people like me need to keep sharing Portishead-type stuff with you. Have you checked out Electrelane? They’re super sexy sounding (and looking). Massive Attack. Faithless. Tricky. Also, I’m gonna recommend this record by Bows– it’s called Cassidy and I have spent many hours making out to this record.
SB: You’re amazing. I’ve burnt through a lot of people. Morphine. Massive Attack. Erykah Badu. One thing I won’t do is work it to really really lesbo music.
BL: I can’t get down to really sincere R&B. Like Keith Sweat? No way. I’d be laughed out of the bed from chuckling.
SB: HAHA Yeah. No Keith Sweat.
BL: There’s the fun, fast stuff– and I won’t lie. As a hardcore riot grrl fan, I love to have sex to Sleater-Kinney, Bratmobile, Bikini Kill, etc… Anyone who would play at a Ladyfest or Homo-A-Gogo is a good time for me.
SB: BUT – Sometimes R. Kelly (I know, I know) is not bad.
BL: R. Kelly?! LOLZ. Nope.
SB: I’ve had awesome sex to Metallica. Just sayin.
BL: Ooh, I don’t think I’ve ever had any Metallicasex. When it comes to the slower chill sex music, I like Electrelane, Portishead, Bows, Massive Attack. Tricky. Some Bjork. *Sigh* My goodness– you’re so right about it being the late 90s in our respective bedrooms.
SB: The Metallica S&M album (no pun intended, they’re just with the SF Symphony Orchestra) is awesome sexing music, and it’s a double disc.
BL: Oh yea, that’s a great record. I don’t think it would have occurred to me to have sex to it. The sincere jazz nerd in me (I used to play tenor saxophone) wants to have sex to John Coltrane records, but I haven’t ever slept with anyone that sincere.
BL: Maybe my future holds a lady who will get it on to Miles Davis and Coltrane?
SB: Monk is pretty good for that.
BL: Oh yea. Ladies, if you are jazz fans, you can email me.
SB: I guess – I just feel like w/o the music my life is kind of becoming Trey Songz “The Neighbors Know my name” in real life.
BL: HAHAHAH! AMAZING! This may need you to draw on distant memories since you’re in a monogs relationship with the Sartorial Love, but here’s a question for you. Your readers need to know how to behave in this sticky situation. And by “your readers”, I mean me.
SB: Ok, shoot.
BL: What do you do when you are having sexytimes with someone who wants to listen to something you hate?
SB: Uhm. Well, in my case that’s a non-issue.
BL: Never in your sexy life has someone wanted to jam out to something you couldn’t fuck to?
SB: It hasn’t been THAT long since the SL and I were just platonic friends so I can come up with something for you. You say the following:
“Babe. I’d really like to get down with you but I’m going to lose my s*** if we have to listen to Sarah McLachlan while we do it. Can we pick something else, please? Some Joan Armatrading, perhaps?”
BL: Wait, you can’t bang to Sarah but you can bang to Joan? I’m so sure right now! I’m actually laughing out loud.
SB: Well, I probably couldn’t bang to Joan. But I feel like if Sarah was the option, I’d consider Joan. Thankfully, it’s been a decade since I’ve been with someone who would want to listen to that.
BL: Still laughing. Okay, so what we’ve determined is that I’m a music snob and you can’t fuck to stuff you know. I won’t get it on to stuff I hate, and no one will get it on with me to jazz. So is there a dream butch sexy playlist? Which reminds me, I will not get it on to kd lang.
SB: Me neither. Or M.E. I sometimes feel like the only dyke in America who can’t stand M.E.
BL: You’re not.
SB: Oh, good. Or we’re both just snobs about music, which you know, isn’t shocking.
BL: Melissa Etheridge’s music is not my thing. I appreciate her out-ness, her courage, her public battle with cancer. I value her place in the community and respect her…but I don’t dig on her music. And that’s ok.
SB: I may need to get in to classical music.
SB: Well, it’s practically infinite in selection.
BL: Absolutely. I’m an opera fan. Never had sexy times to it though, but there is potential for the music being louder than a screamer.
SB: I think I can’t do opera. This conversation may need to be opened up to the public for their opinions. Thoughts?
BL: Oh absolutely. We need to know what the people bang to.
Ok. SB fans –Please help my swingin’ friend Bee (and me) find some really good music for sexytime! Obviously, this isn’t something we can handle ourselves!
Pee Ess: I hate the word “sexytime.” Bee loves it. But I don’t. If I could think of something else that wasn’t stupid or offesnive, I’d use it.