Happy Birthday To ME

I turned 40 last week. I’ve been suffering a multiple weeks long cold and so it wasn’t as exciting an occasion as anyone who loves me had hoped, but I did manage to have a quiet and delicious meal out with my love (and no children) and enjoy a very low-key day off on my birthday. Additionally, both the SL and I have been kind of down, we had planned a week long trip to Iceland for this Spring (again sans children, which might lead you to believe I don’t like being around them, which is totally not the case, we just haven’t had more than 1 night away from them in over 5 years and well, we need a break,) and for WHATEVER reason, after Jan 20, the probate and district courts seem to all have new orders and my bs adoption of my own kids has been stretched from a 4 week process to one that’s now going on 4 months, with no date in sight. I’m trying to not panic, but I’m not really good at that, and we feel like we most definitely can’t leave the country without that done. So boo. We’re letting go of that negativity by investing in a new chimney and roof (serious grownup crap sucks) and hope that we can keep our family warm and in a safe house for a long time. Sigh. Lemonade, right?

This year when people asked what I wanted I totally went practical. Socks and undershirts. Really. My sister provided me with 12 brand new V-necks of the Hanes variety and I was SO happy to throw out every other ratty-ass undershirt that I owned. Seriously, some of them were older than my oldest daughter and that’s just too long to have an undershirt.

I also got some brand new socks. For the past few years, Bombas have been my go-to. They have a buy a pair/donate a pair draw, and a motto of “bee better,” which is cute, but beyond social consciousness, they are damn comfortable and last a really really long time.

At around $12 a pair they are not the cheapest option on the block, but, clearly I’m not buying them every month and the way they hug my feet and stay up all day long AND have a bit of brightness to them (I only wear the black ones to work) that peeks out every so often makes me happy. They also have a no-show sock that works super well in Sperry’s and low sneakers.

My mom gave me an LL Bean gift card and after 3 years of looking at, but not buying, this lined flannel shirt will be mine.

With all the responsibilities I have and money typically being a constant stress (hey, I could spend that $70 on groceries, or retirement or college for the girls) I haven’t been able to pull the trigger on it, but now I can. So yay!

My love surprised me with a subscription to Universal Yums! A Universal Yum box is totally  not as dirty as it sounds, but a every other month box of delicious snacks from around the world will arrive on my doorstep. Totally up my alley! Bee posted about subscription boxes that ALL look awesome but totally out of my budget – this will be a nice little treat every other month!

Also on their way to me are a brand new pair of Keen shoes, for work. I have neglected buying new work shoes for a few years now and my trusty Doc Marten 8 eyes are getting tired and you know, sometimes you just need to treat yo self. And there’s just oooone more gift to me – I’m going to be finishing my arm sleeve tattoos over the next year or so. Because I have been in “professional” jobs forever and I promised myself that once I hit 40 I could get myself below the elbow tattoos. And so I will. I’ll keep you posted:) Have a great Spring everyone!

 

I’m in a bad bromance

I mean that in the most best way possible. My pal Beelisty has once again proven her brotherly love right here, in celebration of “butch month, 2010.”  And note, I already bought the interrobang cuff links, and a tie bar for a friend, just from the awesome links from that post! Thanks Bee!

Butches bringing sexytime back

Normally, Beelisty and I are incredibly busy people during the day, giving well over 100% of our energies to our respective employers.  Today? Not so much.

What follows is a transcript we had earlier today about music selection for….you know.

SB: i like the idea of sexytime music, but i have to be honest. I can only perform if I’ve never heard the music before.

BL: So you’re constantly on the lookout for new sexytime music?  Wow.

SB: Yeah, well if I know it, the beat/words get caught in my head and I lose concentration.

BL: I can totally understand that.  I’ve been known to sing along. Some folks find it funny, others? Not so much.  But I find sex funny, and have no interest in having sex with people who can’t laugh during sex.

SB: I think sex is funny too.  I mean, sometimes it isn’t. But funny laughter-filled sex is awesome.  I wish I could be all 1997 because I LOVE Portishead for sexytime music.  I’ve exhausted that possibility now.

BL: Ooh, Portishead is good sexy music.  They need to keep making records just for you.  Or people like me need to keep sharing Portishead-type stuff with you. Have you checked out Electrelane?  They’re super sexy sounding (and looking).  Massive Attack.  Faithless.  Tricky.   Also, I’m gonna recommend this record by Bows– it’s called Cassidy and I have spent many hours making out to this record.

SB: You’re amazing.  I’ve burnt through a lot of people. Morphine.  Massive Attack.  Erykah Badu.  One thing I won’t do is work it to really really lesbo music.

BL: I can’t get down to really sincere R&B.  Like Keith Sweat?  No way.  I’d be laughed out of the bed from chuckling.

SB: HAHA Yeah. No Keith Sweat.

BL: There’s the fun, fast stuff– and I won’t lie.  As a hardcore riot grrl fan, I love to have sex to Sleater-Kinney, Bratmobile, Bikini Kill, etc…  Anyone who would play at a Ladyfest or Homo-A-Gogo is a good time for me.

SB: BUT – Sometimes R. Kelly (I know, I know) is not bad.

BL:  R. Kelly?! LOLZ. Nope.

SB: I’ve had awesome sex to Metallica.  Just sayin.

BL:  Ooh, I don’t think I’ve ever had any Metallicasex.  When it comes to the slower chill sex music, I like Electrelane, Portishead, Bows, Massive Attack.  Tricky.  Some Bjork.  *Sigh*  My goodness– you’re so right about it being the late 90s in our respective bedrooms.

SB: The Metallica S&M album (no pun intended, they’re just with the SF Symphony Orchestra) is awesome sexing music, and it’s a double disc.

BL:  Oh yea, that’s a great record. I don’t think it would have occurred to me to have sex to it.  The sincere jazz nerd in me (I used to play tenor saxophone) wants to have sex to John Coltrane records, but I haven’t ever slept with anyone that sincere.

SB: HAHA.

BL: Maybe my future holds a lady who will get it on to Miles Davis and Coltrane?

SB: Monk is pretty good for that.

BL: Oh yea.  Ladies, if you are jazz fans, you can email me.

SB: I guess – I just feel like w/o the music my life is kind of becoming Trey Songz “The Neighbors Know my name” in real life.

BL: HAHAHAH! AMAZING! This may need you to draw on distant memories since you’re in a monogs relationship with the Sartorial Love, but here’s a question for you.  Your readers need to know how to behave in this sticky situation.  And by “your readers”, I mean me.

SB: Ok, shoot.

BL: What do you do when you are having sexytimes with someone who wants to listen to something you hate?

SB: Uhm. Well, in my case that’s a non-issue.

BL: Never in your sexy life has someone wanted to jam out to something you couldn’t fuck to?

SB: It hasn’t been THAT long since the SL and I were just platonic friends so I can come up with something for you. You say the following:

“Babe. I’d really like to get down with you but I’m going to lose my s*** if we have to listen to Sarah McLachlan while we do it. Can we pick something else, please? Some Joan Armatrading, perhaps?”

BL: Wait, you can’t bang to Sarah but you can bang to Joan?  I’m so sure right now! I’m actually laughing out loud.

SB: Well, I probably couldn’t bang to Joan.  But I feel like if Sarah was the option, I’d consider Joan. Thankfully, it’s been a decade since I’ve been with someone who would want to listen to that.

BL: Still laughing.  Okay, so what we’ve determined is that I’m a music snob and you can’t fuck to stuff you know.  I won’t get it on to stuff I hate, and no one will get it on with me to jazz.  So is there a dream butch sexy playlist? Which reminds me, I will not get it on to kd lang.

SB: Me neither. Or M.E. I sometimes feel like the only dyke in America who can’t stand M.E.

BL: You’re not.

SB: Oh, good. Or we’re both just snobs about music, which you know, isn’t shocking.

BL: Melissa Etheridge’s music is not my thing. I appreciate her out-ness, her courage, her public battle with cancer. I value her place in the community and respect her…but I don’t dig on her music.  And that’s ok.

SB: I may need to get in to classical music.

BL: Yea?

SB: Well, it’s practically infinite in selection.

BL: Absolutely.  I’m an opera fan.  Never had sexy times to it though, but there is potential for the music being louder than a screamer.

SB: I think I can’t do opera.  This conversation may need to be opened up to the public for their opinions. Thoughts?

BL:  Oh absolutely. We need to know what the people bang to.

Ok. SB fans –Please help my swingin’ friend Bee (and me) find some really good music for sexytime!  Obviously, this isn’t something we can handle ourselves!

Pee Ess:  I hate the word “sexytime.” Bee loves it. But I don’t. If I could think of something else that wasn’t stupid or offesnive, I’d use it.

Sartorial fail #???

Last night after getting home and making the most delicious enchiladas with tomatillo aguacate sacue I looked at the SL and said, “know what would make this better? Cake.” And she agreed. And I agreed to walk (in the rain)  the dog and go to a local restaurant within walking distance that has lovely cake and bring it home to my love who could stay dry and rested on the couch, curled up with the cat.  Cuz that’s the kind of butch I am.

Annnd. It was wet. And rainy. And cold. Annnd local restaurant is closed on Mondays.

Result? Yankee Doodles from 7-11.

Well. At least we laughed and said “pass the doodles” about a zillion times. Because “doodle” is a funny word.

And even worse if I was broke would you want me

As I’ve not shied away from calling out bad butch behavior, I won’t keep the agita caused by the following subject locked up either. Something that’s kind of been bothering me lately is this weird assumption (and I don’t only hear this type of talk from butches but honestly, in my world they are the main perpetrators) or belief that femme = high maintenance.  This type of thinking is so beyond negative and wrong that it kind of makes me just get all prickly – not just because I’M likely more high maintenance than most femmes (or anyone, really) but because of how offensive that type of statement really is.

I’d like to dissect the statement a little bit, if you’ll just give me a day to be kind of on edge and all angry.  Turns out, those two words, that descriptor, is something I WANT in a partner. I want someone (and also to BE that person with someone) who is high maintenance. To me that means we’re both going to have to work hard to keep the relationship that we have working. Yes, it’s a two sided street and both/all partners need to be dedicated to this thinking in order for things to progress, but for me (and I’m guessing lots others) this type of high maintenance interplay is what keeps things going!

Additionally, when this term is used in reference to a partner of mine well – it makes me smile.  Because generally, the type of brand of high maintenance I’m talking about means that she’s taking the time, effort, and care to present herself to me in a way that we BOTH find appealing and pleasing. If this type of high maintenance is for my benefit? Well keep on keepin’ on.

Somewhere along the way the term was applied, in a sexist and misogynist way, to femme identified/feminine (this term runs rampant through het culture as well but with a different spin, I think) people because of what? Because they have a different standard for their own appearance and way that they express themselves?  I wonder why we take these GOOD qualities and associate that to what I think most people see as a character flaw that means you’re one who is overly obsessed with appearance and focused on only the highest quality and most expensive life possible, and that you expect someone else to be providing that living for you, AND that you turn into hell on wheels if you’re NOT living a life that you deserve to be living – even if you’re not doing anything to bring yourself to that level.

My personal hell would be getting myself into a relationship with any of the personality types seen mostly in such venues like “Real Housewives of….” If you need to be with someone who buys you tons of expensive stuff and takes you out to expensive places and always foots the bill you are NOT high maintenance. You’re just a using slug. Really.

If that’s you? Go listen to some Destiny’s Child/Beyonce and get back to me.

*addendum. My friend Beelisty went this route today too.

And she’s just my type

Butch craftiness, for T, who is going to be here TOMORROW. Call me psyched.

I’ve said this before but…I love to sew:)  I owe the sartoriallove something special but some unexpected but happy last minute favorite kid sitting came up so she’s….gonna have to wait, and I’m going to try to get in to Phineas and Ferb.

Random musing after a tiring day…

Being a stud at Guitar Hero is totally butch.

Note: The feelings expressed in this post do not exclude it being anything else, either.

SB secret? I am generally awful at video games but have a Wii and love Guitar Hero, Mariokart, and uhm, Tetris.

Also? I can play a real guitar and have no idea why playing a fake one brings me such joy.

Sartorial Happiness

The best present I received this year.  Much much thanks to the sartorial love who searched high and low for the perfect collar stays, and got me a set of 18 of them, in 3 different sizes, in a beautiful leather case. Awesome!

I wanna be your Christmas Queer

Dear cherished readers,

Happy Holidays to you and yours!!!

Yours,

The Sartorial Butch (and the Sartorial Dog)

Sartorial Slack

Sorry for the delay, the triptophan has entered my system and taken over the part of my brain responsible for creativity. Once this wears off expect the following:

Holiday gift giving guide (Cuz Hanukkah is coming up fast!!)

Full Windsor Knot video

Dress to impress this holiday season

Manscaping

Making the perfect pot of coffee

 

So. Thanks for checking in and we will be back to our more regular schedule very very soon!